Who am I really?!?!?!

Who am I really—they say I could be one of those holometabolous insects, a free-floating butterfly to be exact, not one of those clothes-eating and therefore teenage-girl-life-ruiners called the moths, but as I said they say I could be one of those butterflies, one of those creatures who starts out as a rough and rocky egg that gets juices all over me to turn me into a rather ugly larva, so ugly that I’d never get a boyfriend with all of those legs and foul-smelling chemicals I produce, but then there isn’t really too much of a worry because as they say I could be one of those butterflies, so after the larva I’d turn into the actual butterfly…well afterwards I'd be a poopa or pupa or whatever they seem to call them…and I’d get pooped out of my poopa phase as I’d transform into the stunning butterfly, a sexually mature adult, so sexually mature that all the papa butterflies would flap their wings up and down and up and down and come a-flyin’ over to my neck of the woods to have some good fun, as they would marvel at my rainbow-like colors, but it is too bad that I wouldn’t have gold at the end of me because that would surely cause the papa butterflies to want to find some lucky charms, but nevertheless, it is better to look like a rainbow than be a rainbow because having a leprechaun at my rear-end could get really awkward really quickly, and so instead they say I could be a rainbow-colored butterfly; but they also say I could be a clock, always having the time but never looking at it myself because my eyes would be busy peeping through the six and eight holes, and yes my eyes would be a little lopsided this way but it’s good to see things in a different way, and because eight is the lucky number in China I would get along quite well with the dragons and fortune cookies and of course Hu Jin Tao, or more properly-written 胡锦涛, the Chinese emperor of our time, who people really shouldn’t make fun of for having four eyes because I would only have two eyes in awkward places on my clock face, and really I wouldn’t have a body, but who really needs a body nowadays anyway, as batteries would run my thoughts and my ticking and tocking, or really my native tongue which I’d speak to all those who came by, and at certain times I’d even tick a little louder and tock a little harder so that people could hear the time of day, but hearing myself say all this is making me think that what they say about me possibly being a clock is foolish, and the truth rather comes from the fact that they say I could be broccoli, even though I don’t like broccoli very much, but they say I could be broccoli because all people could eat me even if they were those good-for-nothing vegans or vegetarians who don’t eat the heavenly stomachs from cows in beef or the horse-hooves from horses in gelatin, but they could eat Oreos, even Oreos, because yes, indeed, Oreos are vegan, but they say I could be broccoli, not Oreos, because I’d be healthy for you too, and I’d go into your mouth, jump on the seats of your teeth and watch the movie screen on your tonsils until you chewed me up and swallowed me down, and I’d hope you swallow me and not spit me out because I’d be good for you and I’d bring some Vitamin C, forget Sunny D, to you, but not only that, I’d also bring beauty to you because what is more beautiful than that which looks like a tree, the strongest and bravest being on planet Earth which brings food and air to butterflies and clocks and to you and me, and this beauty would bring beauty into your life and you’d smile and laugh and that’s how I’d be if I were broccoli like they say I could be.